15.3.2015, 10:30 A.M.
When Dad died three years ago I tried my best to be as strong as I should be. I tried to accept the fact that he's gone, and it was the most painful feeling I'd ever experienced. Because accepting that he's dead meant that he would no longer be a part of all the moments I wanted to share with him; the moments that he should've been a part of.
It meant he wouldn't see me graduating from college. I wouldn't have a photo with him in my graduation gown, and we wouldn't have the party he had promised we'd throw. It meant he wouldn't see me in my wedding gown. He wouldn't walk me down the aisle and I wouldn't have the chance to dance with him to our favorite song. It meant he wouldn't be there during my delivery to my first child. He wouldn't be there to name his grandson/daughter and he wouldn't be able to hold it between his arms.
I'm getting married tomorrow, and I'm exerting such great efforts to get over the idea that he will not be there. Because regardless any other feelings, I miss him.
I miss everything about him. Everything about us; our heart-to-heart conversations, our early morning walks, even our fights that never lasted for over a couple of hours. Everything. He had left a huge space in my heart that will always exist until I am reunited with him.
I love you, Dad. May your beautiful soul rest in peace."
She closes her diary and puts it on her desk; right next to her father's photo.
15.3.2015, 10:23 A.M.
"Dear Henry,
Emma is getting married tomorrow. Tomorrow is her wedding day, Henry; the day we'd been dreaming of since she was born. Our little Emma has grown up and she'll be leaving to her new house.
She talked to me yesterday and she wasn't feeling okay. She misses you. She refused to let anybody walk her down the aisle; she said that you were the only one who had the right to do this and now that you're gone, nobody could ever replace you.
I miss you too, Henry. I miss you so much. I usually feel like I'm incomplete without you. You were my better half. But I then remember the decision I made when you died; the one thing that helped me move on during the past three years, and I'm whole again.
The moment I fell for you I realized that I'd never be able to do without you. That's why when you died, I felt I was going to die too. But I couldn't surrender to the pain. I couldn't surrender to your loss; I had to be strong for Emma. I had to choose to live for Emma. So I decided that you should be alive too. And if you do not physically exist, your soul is still living inside of me.
You were never dead to me, Henry. You are always there with me. Not because of your pictures that are still hanging on our house's walls, not because of your clothes that are hanging in the closet and still carrying your scent, not because of your books that weren't removed from our bookshelf and not because of your car that still hasn't left our garage.
But because I can feel you. I can see you. I see you in Emma's eyes everyday. I see you in the happy moments we shared for more than twenty years. I see you in the number of times you lifted me up and in the number of dreams you made come true. I feel you watching over me when I'm lonely. I feel you when I remember your words and your embrace. I feel you when I remember that I spent twenty years of my life with you; a gift that I'll always be thankful for.
You exist in my memory. And that's one thing that nobody could ever take away. Till we meet again. I love you."
She puts the letter in its envelope, and places it in a drawer. A drawer full of other envelopes.
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